“Do you know what it’s like when you’re scared to see yourself?” I still remember the moment I heard those lyrics. It gave me chills. I listened on and it came to a part that said “do you know what it feels like to be your own worst enemy?”.
I started crying thinking yes I know all to well. I couldn’t remember a time when I wasn’t my own worst enemy. My first memory is of my mom beating me and saying “can’t you ever do anything right”. Those are the words I have heard my whole life. I remember becoming good friends with ED (Eating disorder). He promised if I just did everything he taught me I would be perfect, and it was something I could do right. I would for once be in control and I wouldn’t have to suffer from the pain anymore. He was right at first. I did do it perfect. Everything I was supposed to. I didn’t suffer from pain anymore in fact, I didn’t feel anything. I was completely numb to every feeling. He got really possessive but I didn’t mind because not only was he my only friend , he was all I could focus on. I was willing to die for him. I was down to 80 pounds and forced in to treatment. But that didn’t stop him. He refused to give up. He got stronger and fought back hard. Little did I know at the time that I wasn’t in control at all and he was just killing me. He wasn’t helping me. He wasn’t my friend at all.
That day when I heard the song “Never Surrender” I looked up the band who sang it. They were called Skillet. Little did I know at that minute they were about to change my life for the better. Through their lyrics I found my way to God. Today I am 5 years in recovery and I wouldn’t be where I am without Skillet’s help. I met them last year after reaching out to their management and telling them my story. I knew meeting them they were going to be nice
people but they were more than just nice. They are amazing people with big hearts that actually care about people. I can’t even begin to explain how much that means to me. I am now a mentor for eating disorders and in school so I can someday work in the eating disorder field.